Friday, August 22, 2014

The Funeral and Life

I attended a funeral this week... It was for my friends father.  He lived a full life of love, joy, family, Jesus and simplicity.  His life was not extravagant yet it was a life to be both jealous of and inspired by. He didn't have a mansion, limo (is that even a thing anymore?), no private hatch whisking him away to his personal island, no off-shore bank account holding his millions, not even a house staff... Yet, he was one of the richest people I've known. He was rich because he got a second chance when he needed it most. You see, he did not grow up with the foulness he experienced later in life. He was a heavy drinker and partied but somehow it was all empty... He had many people around him but couldn't really seem to figure out if any of those were his true friends.  

I've been seeing, reading and hearing a lot about Robin Williams lately... Many people writing and speaking as if they knew him personally when really, they only knew the person behind a screen, they only knew the act.  I can barely stand to see any more, not because the words I've read are bad or wrong but because it effects me in an unexpected way, it deepens the sadness. Sadness for robin and his family yes, but sadness for everyone.  No one seems to know what happened, really... There are many suppositions of course but no one really knows, and if we don't know then how do we stop this from happening to those near to us? Robin had much wealth, family, love and somehow, still, emptiness. Somehow solitude crept in and held his soul in a death grip. 

I don't pretend to have all the answers, I don't know how we stop people from dying whether by choice or fate.  But what I do know is when people do transition from this world into eternity those of us left behind frequently have regrets... Maybe we loved but never enough, we've spoken words but never said all we've desired. I don't know that anything could have changed the fatal decision Mr. Williams embraced that day, I believe he knew he was loved and I don't think his death the fault of anyone but I know I wish I could have spoken to him. Spoken some words, any words of healing, comfort, care, hope.  I know this, I know we all wish for more time, less raised voice, more touch, more love, more eye contact, more comforting silent moments passed between us; more of the good, whatever the good is for us, more.

So it's not an extended pen today, just a regret, a wish, a glimmer of reality, mortality.  Take some time to think about Robin's passing and of those close to you.  Take a moment to consider how you've felt when people left you behind when they took the journey into the end, be honest about the regrets, think of the words you wished to have spoken, the no you would have turned to yes. Consider the past so that you can live your life fully with your family and loved ones today.  Think on the love you should have made known, the eyes you should have starred into a bit longer, the hands you should have touched and allow them to guide you into opening your heart to those moments now. Allow those pains to be the keys that open you up to feeling, experiencing, living, saying, touching, being all you're designed for.  Tear down the walls, don't wait for a miracle or tragedy to destroy the boundaries around your emotions, do it yourself.  And please don't limit your experiencing ans sharing only to your loved ones but extend yourself to anyone and everyone you can. Offer that smile to a stranger, look for ways to care for others, touch the lonely soul, speak into the darkness that you might be a beacon of hope. "Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that..." - Martin Luther King Jr., so, be the light because light is greater than dark. There is no competition, no jury, no fight, it is just so, light is more powerful so be the light.